


Troubled

by DarkerVisions



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 13:59:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16682953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkerVisions/pseuds/DarkerVisions





	1. Chapter 1

Listen to 'Face Down' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus :)  
Josh's POV  
He's stood in the doorway, a devilish grin on his drunken face. Ma places her slight, fragile body between him and me. She's begging with him, although she knows it's hopeless. He won't listen to her, he never will. He looks her up and down, taking in the bruises and cuts over her body.  
"Pathetic..." he whispers, his voice low, dangerous. He steps over the threshold of the door, closing it behind him. A small, frail hand grips mine, squeezing it fearfully. I glance over my shoulder, shocked to find Sam at my side.  
"Gaah!" I jump up in a cold sweat, tangled in my bedsheets. I kick them away from my body, in an attempt to escape from the nightmare I had just woken up from. "Fúck," I whisper pulling my knees to my chest and burying my head in them, sobbing. After a few minutes, I pull myself together and flick on the lamp that stands to the side of my bed. I Glance round my room, knowing full well that I'm safe. The windows are locked, and the door is secure. Convinced there's no way for him to get in the room, let alone touch me, I flick the lamp back off. I tip my head back and concentrate on the glowing stars pasted on the ceiling.  
I Remember when Ma and Jackie put those up for Sam and me.  
Sam and I were about eight, and Jackie suggested we make the lower guest bedroom into a room suitable for two young boys, little did she know what would happen in the coming weeks.  
With the vision of my brother's face as motivation, I roll off of the bed into the darkness of my room. I pull on some warm clothes and grab some thick socks. I quietly slip out of my bedroom door, and into the back room. I grab my yard boots and my black puffer jacket. I Slip out the back door and wander through the night, alone, just thinking. I get back early morning, Expecting everyone to still be asleep. I was wrong. Jackie and John are up, waiting for me to come home.  
I barely get in the kitchen door when Jackie wraps her arms around me. I snuggle into her, breathing in her scent. she smells like Ma.  
"You didn't sleep very well again, did you?" she asks, her voice gentle. I shake my head, causing me to lose my balance, light-headedness overtaking my body. With John's help, Jackie swings me down onto a chair. She crouches down and pulls my sleeves up. With the Fabric removed, my forearms are exposed. Thick, Jagged scars crisscross all the way from my wrist to the inside of my elbow. Each one tells a story of when I lost to my demons. Fresh Cuts Spill a little blood, which runs over my skin, looking for a path to the floor.  
Jackie Sucks in a little breath. "John, go get me the antiseptic wipes, a roll of bandage, and some medical tape." her eyes still on my arms.  
John nods and heads to the medical cupboard in my bathroom.  
——————  
Me and Jackie Stand in the bathroom. I'm stood on the balance in my boxers, and She's recording my weight. She compares my weights and blood pressure readings from the last month and slams the book the down on the side, tears in her eyes. she hurries out of the bathroom, to hide her tears from me. She tries so hard to be strong around me, but I know I'm draining her. I pull on my jeans and a baggy t-shirt, before peering at the book. I'm underweight, severely. My weight's gone below the cut off - I'll going back to rehab if it doesn't get better within a week. My Blood pressure's all over the place - Low today - yet another reason to call my doctors. I close the book. I understand Jackie's reaction.  
I Glance up at the mirror. My eyes are sunken and dark, probably from lack of sleep. my skin is pale and blotchy, and my hair is thinning. my appearance says it all; my demons are winning. sickened by the sight of myself, I leave the bathroom.  
Jackie Places a Strong-smelling Coffee and some fruit salad on the table in front of me.  
"Please eat, Josh. You'll feel so much better." She pleads with me. "I tell you what. When you reach your weight goal, I'll buy you that guitar you wanted so badly." She bribes me, not knowing it’s pointless.  
"I'm not hungry, Jackie." I lie. I'm starving, but I don't want or need that food. She just shakes her head.  
"You've barely eaten for weeks. You've got to be hungry." She places her hand on mine. "Eat." This is no longer a question, but a command. She is desperate to see me eat, and we both know it.  
"No-" I start, but she interrupts sharply.  
"Eat, or I call the doctor." She grins triumphantly. She thinks she's won. Ha.  
To make her happy, I Shovel a few spoonsfulls of fruit into my mouth and gulp down the Coffee. She smiles and hugs me.  
"Good Lad, can you wake the girls up? Their breakfast is almost ready." She points to the oven, where she's warming some Croissants. Multiple flavours of Jam are already set up on the table, along with some butter knives.  
I grin. "I'll get Gracie up, But I refuse to go anywhere near Sophie in the morning." I pause. "or at any time, really."  
Jackie sighs then Chuckles.  
"Fine. I'll wake Sleeping Beauty, But please come right back here, I need to talk to everyone." I notice a tone of urgency in her voice.  
I nod and turn to leave. "Oh, by the way, you mean Shrek."  
Gracie Rolls over in her bed.  
"Morning J." She flicks open her eyes and studies me. "You've eaten." She smiles. "Well done."  
She Hugs me Close. "I'm worried about you J." Her face tightens. "I get scared when you stop eating." I shush her and pull her into a tighter hug.  
"I'm okay, Grasshopper. You don't need to worry." A sob racks her body, and she buries her face into my bony chest.  
"Why do you lie, Josh? We know somethings up." she stares into my eyes, and I know she can tell. I breathe in slowly, letting the air hiss between my teeth. I stroke her hair, gently combing it with my fingers. Shake my head slowly, indicating to her my unwillingness to talk about it.  
"Croissants this morning, Gracie. Hurry, Before your dad eats them all." I mutter, before storming down the stairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me.  
Do it. You know where they are. Just a little... It'll all feel better. They don't care, not really.  
// TRIGGER WARNING //  
I Gag, my head hung over the toilet bowl. I Wipe the back of my hand across my mouth. I'm praying that nobody heard me. It would destroy them if they knew. I Flush the evidence away and wash my hands and face in the sink.  
Mid Wash, I look up at the mirror. Water dribbles down the contours of my face, but that's not what's bothering me. A Little box sits just below the mirror, concealing my less secret addiction.  
"do it." a little voice in my head sings. "Do it." it's more forceful this time. my hand raise to the box, without my brain telling them to. "Just a Little..." No! I throw back at the voice. not now, please not now. The voice becomes more sing-songy, and whispers "it'll Help. Make you feel all better."  
I Give in and take a blade from the box. I take a deep breath, and glide the metal across my skin. Lightly at first. a few dots of blood appear on my arm. the sight of blood makes me crave more. on the next pass, I push a little deeper, gritting my teeth a little. The Bleeding Gets heavier, and I know that I don't have much strength left.


	2. Chapter 2

Penny's POV  
I curl up in my favourite armchair with a mug of hot tea. I sip carefully, the hot drink easing my restless stomach by reminding me that that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach is not real butterflies.  
I pick up my Biology Textbook from the cluttered coffee table and flick to the pages on osmosis. It might be the summer break, but I want to get ahead in my studies for next year. It's my last year at school, and I have big tests next May/June. That gives me less than a year to revisit all the courses.  
I'm determined to get Straight A's, in the hope to get into an exclusive college. The only college that gives me the opportunity to study law in lethal detail.  
Since I was young my parents have drilled into me and my brother that in order to avoid an unhappy life, we must work hard at school, get good Jobs and excel in our careers. We have been expected to fall in love with and marry respectable and well-educated people, and follow in my parents' footsteps.  
That sort of life never appealed to me, but I knew that my parents knew what was best for me, and the family name.  
I never rebelled against them by skipping class or mixing with the wrong crowd, but something in their opinion, far worse.  
I'm pulled from my thoughts by my brother, who lands on the sofa with a soft 'poof'.  
"Sis, you need to put that book down for a while. You'll make yourself sick studying like that!" He grins and slips the book from my grip. He places it back with the rest of my notes and snaps his fingers. "You need to pack this stuff, you're leaving soon."  
I Grunt in annoyance and begin methodically packaging my books into an oversized backpack. Daniel just shakes his head in amusement, before ruffling my hair and bouncing out of the room.  
Acid rises in my throat as I remember my sentence: a summer in the countryside. I knew the second my mother told me that I'd be spending two years at her friend Jackie's place, an equestrian centre, that I'd spend my time in ugly boots and shovelling horse crap. Not to mention waking up at the crack of dawn to care for the horrid beasts. I suck in my breath and chew on the inside of my cheek. Manual labour isn't my forte, so I'm not ecstatic about this arrangement.  
When I complained my mother shot me a look and simply said "nobody else has the room to accommodate you. You should be thankful Jackie even offered." Before slamming the door behind her on her way to work.  
Brilliant.  
Shoving the final few books into my bag forcefully, I fight tears that threaten to fall from my eyes. Maybe I don't want to go to America, but I certainly don't want to be apart from my parents. They may be strict and clinical about raising me and Daniel, but I know they love us. They have been my safety net for years - my whole life in fact.  
Tonight they fly to NYC. Their Jobs have taken them from this small town in south-west England, where life is simple and easy, to the busy and chaotic city of New York, America. They'll be hours behind us, and across the sea. I won't have the familiar faces I know to fall back on.  
"Penny, Let's go, Sweetheart. Jackie's expecting you. She's a busy woman, so let's not hold her up." My mother calls from the hall. Hiking my bag further up onto my shoulder, I follow her voice.  
Once I've pulled on the final pair of shoes I did not pack into the large, brown boxes, we leave the house that is no longer my home.  
19 Albert Road watches my mother's Mercedes Benz pull down the driveway, and into the street. I peer at the Bricks and mortar that I once called home, as it disappears behind us. James waves me goodbye. Tears prickle my eyes, and I inhale, and slow, shaky breath.  
I'll miss the large white windows, the heavy wooden doors and the heavily waxed floors. I'll never forget the memories made in and around those four walls. My childhood home slips away from me, through my clenched fist, as if it was sand; the grains left are only memories that I will hold onto to for life.  
Taken away from the car, I reminisce about childhood friends, secrets I've forgotten and games that I will never truly understand.  
I'm only pulled from those daydreams when we pull off the country roads onto a gravel track.  
Stones crunch under the tires, as my mother creeps along the drive. Large trees that line the driveway cast occasional shadows onto the car. I peer through the branches, hoping to catch a glimpse of my new home. My phone vibrates in my pocket, signalling that I had received a message. I pull the device out of my jean pocket and flick the screen on. The notification reads:  
Damien <3  
Possibly won't be able to make that date later this week. Stuff has come up at work. We'll rearrange, Promise :)  
I sigh and shove it back into my pocket. Typical. He always has an excuse to cancel or reschedule our dates. Last month he was playing football [or soccer, to American readers], this time it's work?  
Tears Brim in my eyes. I was looking forward to that date. We'd planned to eat out at a local restaurant, something quite fancy, to celebrate our relationship.  
Mother Slows the car, and calls out "Nice to see you out of hospital again, Josh." 

No F*cking Way.

Not him. Anyone But him. His Blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and his fluffy light brown fringe hangs across his g*ddamn forehead. A small smirk plays across his lips, as his eyes flick over me.


	3. Chapter 3

Josh's POV  
Lynn's black convertible pulls slowly down the drive. The shiny black paint looks brilliant in the sun. I'm not exactly a car whiz, but I can tell it's new, ready for their trip abroad. The car's revs are low, creating a low, humming sound.  
As the expensive vehicle pulls up beside me, I notice who is sat in the passenger seat; Penny Hargreaves.  
No f*cking way.  
Not her. Anyone but her.  
Okay, so It's not like she's the worst new roommate I could've gotten, but she's certainly not the best. I don't know how I'll cope with her under the same roof as me. I definitely hope her boyfriend doesn't show up. We hate each other's guts with a passion. That's the problem. She's unaware, but her boyfriend certainly noticed me. that's the complete opposite of what I wanted. Really.   
In all those Romantic films the girls seem to love, the Boy watching from the sidelines is usually the best option for the girl. Sadly, that's not the case in this situation. Sure, I could probably dote on her more, spend more time with her, but I certainly can't afford the life she deserves. He's smart, much smarter than me. Yeah, that hurts, I won't lie. He doesn't come with all the baggage I do. That hurts more. She'll never want me, not for who I am, anyway.  
However, there's a fatal flaw in their relationship. She's smitten with him, but he's more in love with his 'sport'. Yeah, She's kinda a trophy to him; something he can balance on his hip and show off. He's protective of her though, he gave me a black eye for looking at her for more than a second. I know it'll be a dangerous and tricky process if I want to 'get the girl'.  
Speaking of that incident, I'm stood at the side of the driveway, gaping at the beautiful woman sat in the car. It seems that time passes painfully slowly as the electronic window is wound down.   
Lynn's The first to speak.   
"Hey Josh, Nice to see you out of the hospital again." She smiles, sincerely. "how are you doing?"   
I Smile politely and reply with an even and careful tone.   
"It's great to be home," I pause, watching Penny's face contort in Surprise and confusion. "And I'm feeling a lot better now. How are you?" I place my hand on the window frame, leaning towards the car slightly, Bringing my head level to the window - which is difficult considering I'm 6"2, and the car is a low, sporty model.   
I can clearly see Penny from this angle. She is dressed in some tight fitting jeans and a tank top that covers her slim but curvy build. don't get a boner. I notice her eyes skimming my body; my white T-shirt is clinging to my muscles because of the sweat and grease soaking the fabric.   
"I'm great Josh, thank you," Lynn replies gently, before nudging her daughter, encouraging her to speak.  
Penny's eyes widen in fear, and she begins fiddling with her hands. I can feel her nerves. I chose to try and relax her.  
"Hey, you know you can talk to me, right? It's not like I'll tell Damien. He had my arse kicked last time I looked at you, so it's a secret on my end, trust me." I lightly joke but meaning every word of it. she looks up at me, and that beautiful smile appears on her lips. It makes me feel giddy like I've spent slightly to much time with my bandmates. A parted smile slaps itself on my face. I quickly close my lips, hoping she didn't notice my wonky tooth. I don't want to scare her off right off the bat, do I now? She giggles a little before replying.  
"I Guess your right. I just don't want you getting hurt again," she says gently, and my heart flutters; She cares. She clears her throat. "Just... Be careful." I nod, knowing what she means. gossip spreads like wildfire through our age group.   
I Gently tap the metal of the car before standing to my full height. I motion for Lynn to pull forward through the gate as I open it. Pushing the wooden frame, I intentionally tense my Biceps, showing them off. I guess testosterone has kicked in, and instinct tells me to flash my muscles to the stunning girl. I feel a sudden and intense need to show off, and I grit my teeth in an attempt to prevent me from following the urges. It also distracts from the tightening of my jeans.   
I hear laughing from multiple places around me, and suddenly I feel extremely self-conscious. I try to swallow the nerves, praying for Lynn to drive faster, as it feels like she's pulling forward at a snail's pace.   
"Dude! Josh is so Whipped! look at him!" I recognise Steve's teasing tone. I glance over my shoulder and shout for him to get back to work. He smirks, mouths 'whipped' before returning to the yard to continue with livery muck outs.  
I grit my teeth, knowing the conversation that will start up.


	4. Chapter 4

Penny's POV  
Josh pushes against the wooden frame of the gate, seeming to put a little too much effort into it. His biceps bulge beneath his tight white T-shirt, clearly showing them off. I suck my breath in.   
My Friends had teased me for Josh's advances. He'd Stare at me from across the room, and once he's gotten my attention he'd smirk, mouthing his phone number at me. Once, He'd even written his phone number on a piece of paper and passed it to me during lunch. My friends laughed and told him to run off back to Olivia. This confused me, I never heard of Olivia before. I assumed at the time that it was his mother. He'd flipped them off, only to be spotted by Mr Brown. He was basically dragged to the office by the back of his hoodie.  
He wasn't seen at school for a while after that. nobody but me and some younger kids noticed. His mates moped around the school, and a few of the girls he was close to spent a lot of the time in the councillor's office crying. I learnt that he'd been hospitalised. I never knew why, just that it was serious.  
When He returned to school, the infamous smirk didn't return for at least a year. Not until we were paired together for a project. for the Entirety of the project, he just sat there staring and smirking.   
That Project was the first time I properly heard his voice. he rarely spoke, so his speech was limited.   
"Penny?" He grasped my attention. I smiled at him, indicating for him to continue. he took a deep breath and his voice wavers. "Can I give you a nickname?" I didn't reply, and so he simply continued. "okay, coin." The nickname stuck with me. especially when I got the letter.  
Hey Coin,  
I know this is old fashioned and all, but I thought it was more meaningful than a text message. also, my fingers are too big to type efficiently on my tiny blackberry.   
Anyway, I was hoping we could meet up on Saturday? I'm free for once, and I'd quite like to get to know you. You seem like a really sweet girl.  
You don't have to reply if you don't want to or can't make it. Just come chat with me, we can arrange something if you're up for it :)  
~ J   
p.s, this took me a long time to write, my spelling's awful. :)  
As much as I wanted to, I never replied.  
My friends told me to ignore him. He was the freak, after all. They all thought his troubled mind made him weird. I saw past that and knew, he was simply a diamond in the rough.  
After the letter, he ceased trying to pursue me. He had a few short-lived relationships, but they ended quickly, most of the girls simply stating he was distracted from them, and it felt as if he was constantly pursuing a new relationship.   
With his new round of showing off, had he returned to me? He'd acknowledged Damien's involvement in my life, by telling me he'd keep our conversations secret. Maybe Damien doesn't scare him, or maybe he doesn't care about getting beaten up. Maybe he's so deeply in love he doesn't care for the risks.  
Whilst considering this, I hear a distinctly male voice call Josh 'Whipped', and that confirmed my suspicions. He's still crushing on me.  
I pull myself out of the car and face my new home.


End file.
